i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
