Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
