turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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