you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your dad touched me again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to calm my uterus...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
