Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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