so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
