You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
