That's when you crack a 10am beer
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I could fuck to npr.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
