Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
