i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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