Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
In America we eat man semen.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
