'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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