thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
