Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
