i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
