is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
