You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
