i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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