Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
