if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
