I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
