I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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