I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The air was thick with penises
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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