he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
