I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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