I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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