Will you blow on my dice?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
