I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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