just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
