It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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