made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
