she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
