i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
