omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im holly from the hills drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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