I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
