walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
