I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
