tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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