I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
