he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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