just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
