I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
