Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
