I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
