We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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