C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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