ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
