All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
smell my finger.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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