is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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