May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
