this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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